Some of the new guidelines being issued by the police regarding social distancing now appear to allow a person to move to a friend’s address for several days to allow a ‘cooling-off’ period, following arguments at home.

As the “Stay at home” period is extended, it will be a regrettable fact that conflict and arguments are likely to increase for some.

Nobody likes conflict, so what can we do to reduce the likelihood of conflict starting?

There are many reasons why anger exists. Anger is not necessarily wrong if it is directed correctly, anger is a fuel that can give us great strength, it can drive us, and can lead to many great things, but anger that is not directed in the right way, and especially not expressed in a positive manner towards an individual, can lead to resentment and conflict.

How we deal with our own anger can greatly help our relationships, whether that be with our, friends, family, or with colleagues in our workplace.

Anger when not controlled can affect our health. It can also lead to ill feeling, and cause a break-up in a relationship.

Learning to control our own anger is just like learning anything else, but it is a matter of practise. It’s not easy, and there are many strategies that can be applied.

Below are some simple suggestions for you to try, which may help you manage those feelings of anger.

  • Feel your heartbeat, try and slow it down, by breathing deeply and slowly.
  • Relax clenched muscles or fists.
  • Try and talk yourself into feeling calm, (out loud or in your mind)- Focus on yourself, and not the cause of the anger
  • Ask yourself, “Did they actually mean that”? – Can you look at the situation in another way, or from their point of view?
  • Count backwards from, 20, 50, or 100. Use the time to try to diffuse your anger before making any immediate response which you may regret making, or saying.
  • Move away from who or what is making you angry.
  • If you have another room, take yourself there, away from the person or activity that is causing the feelings of anger.
  • Listen to what the other person is saying. When someone is angry with you, choose not to get angry back by remaining calm, and take time to really listen to try and understand why they are behaving in the way they are.
  • Take your exercise break, and do something energetic, like running or cycling. “Burn off your anger through exercise.
  • Take time out and listen to music. Music is known to relax, and improve your mood.
  • Call someone up and talk about the matter affecting you.

If you do find yourself in a situation where you are feeling anger towards someone, because of their actions or what they have said:

Pogo Mediation Yes-panel

Do wait until you are calm to talk with them. Listen to the other person, and try to understand their needs. Express your feelings clearly, let them know how their words or actions have affected you.

Pogo Mediation No-panelDon’t be confrontational, aggressive, offensive or apportion blame.